The following was submitted by resident Manon Rodrigues, who unexpectedly lost her husband last summer. In the spirit of Valentine's Day, she wanted to share her story on love and loss, and show how death doesn't mean the end of a relationship.
Joe and I met at a mutual friend's wedding back in 1993. We were there with other people, but the sparks flew. Joe and I connected on many levels. I always knew when he was close. Whenever I would call to see how soon he would be home he would chuckle and say 'how do you do that? I am one minute away.'
Joe’s love language is using his hands. I am the recipient of many of his renovation wonders including five kitchens he renovated and custom crafted with love, each one being better than the last. Joe’s talent is not only design, but he can take discarded or second hand items and beautifully repurpose them. He demonstrates that same love to our children and grandchildren, including spending a week’s vacation out west building a fence for our grandson, a runner! He takes our vision and makes it happen. I keep him fed and out of the way, because not all help is good help.
Joe and I had our first two sons when we were young. I took care of the home front and he worked to support his growing family. Joe always wanted three children. We had our third son when the other two were 12 and eight. With our family complete, we spent time growing our careers and interests. Even though many interest weren’t share, there was no way either one of us could have been able to do any of them without the other.
We’ve been together for 28 years. Our anniversary was always spent together. No kids. Spending time reconnecting. We moved in April 2020 to our current home. With our home sold and only weeks to find a new home, Joe found the perfect place while in the bathroom where we could spend the next 15 years building equity to get us to retirement.
Like many couples, we had our ups and downs, high and low points. COVID came (and hasn’t left) and the time spent in close quarters was challenging at times, really pushing the boundaries. We didn’t always share the same opinions. Politics and religion are two hot topics banned most days, but at the end of the day we would just agree to disagree and choose to continue to move forward.
Then Joe passed away suddenly in June 2021. The next few weeks were dark. The shock and disbelief. I just wanted him home and still do. Our home, our retirement nest egg, now no longer a 'Joe and Manon' house, still waits for him to come finish her.
Death though doesn’t end a relationship; it changes it. I have spent the last eight months relearning our relationship, one where he is no longer living. I have found grace and support from family, friends, and colleagues.
I am rediscovering myself while keeping Joe in my heart and in everything I do. He is never far from my thoughts. The memories and moments we shared bring tears but also contentment. My social circle has changed. Choosing quality over quantity. Nurturing the relationships, I value most. Reconnecting with friends who became widows in the same year, and making new ones with the loss of a soulmate. Our love story continues on, through our children, grandchildren, and those close to us. Forever and a day.
Resources for those who are grieving:
- Your local hospice
- Centre for Grieving Children in Barrie
Things that do support someone grieving:
Sitting with a grieving person and letting them be with their grief. How they choose to grieve is ok, it is normal for them, you cannot fix it. Platitudes and cliches (they are in a better place, they wouldn’t want to see you sad) do not help. We know they wouldn’t want us sad and the best place is for them is to be with us. Offer concrete help such as showing up for coffee, mowing the lawn, or dropping off a meal. Just saying call if you need me puts the ask on the griever, and we are not going to ask.