The following op-ed was submitted by Collingwood resident and retired judge Norman Douglas.
Rich Uncle Milburn Pennybags was the original name of that mustachioed old man in a tuxedo and top hat who has also been referred to as 'Mr. Monopoly.'
The board game, made popular in 1935, has undergone some changes in the 21st century, but when I played it back in the 1950s and '60s, it was fun. I loved getting the "get out of jail free" card so I could sail around the board without worrying if I landed behind bars.
I think that was the beginning of my interest in the law.
My childhood friends and my brothers and I put the game away as we got into our teens.
On Monday night, though, as I watched U.S. President Donald Trump's startling announcement that he intends to take over the Gaza Strip, it hit me — our modern Pennybags really believes life is a Monopoly game.
The 28 properties, four railroads and two utilities in the old game were based on streets, land, railroads and utilities in or near Atlantic City. They are chump change to the Mr. Monopoly of 2025. His board has added Greenland, the Panama Canal, Canada and now the Gaza Strip.
The strategy hasn't changed. The goal is still to take control of other people by enriching yourself and impoverishing the other guy.
The winner is the one with all the money and property, hotels, railroads and utility companies. It's fun when your opponent ends up in jail. And since you have the get-out-of-jail-free card, you have no restraints.
As a matter of fact, the new Mr. Monopoly has thousands of those cards, and new cards called "executive orders" that forbid you from passing "GO" and can even kick you off the board completely.
There's one that simply says "You're Fired."
This new version, according to his promotion, is unbelievable, beautiful, never been done before, millions agree, the greatest game ever seen.
His wisest adviser, "Mr. Muskrat," promises all the Arab and Muslim countries will be so happy when the Gaza Strip card is the most expensive one in the deck, because it is soon to be the "Riviera of the Middle East."
Everyone over there will be happy and peaceful and loving and kind and will frolic together in the beautiful, wonderful, amazing, never-been-done-before resort of the Lady Gaza Trump Hotel on the banks of the Mediterranean (soon to be renamed MediAmerican) Sea.
Anyone who disagrees with this plan is nasty.
Listen, as Mr. Monopoly speaks:
They do not understand me. They have no common sense.
They accuse me of just taking what I want — money, property, women ... I have done more for women than anyone in history. Oh, I might have said a few things that the Wokes have found offensive. But all men talk like that in the locker room.
We are entering a Golden Age. Drill, baby, drill.
If I can meet people face to face, I can solve the world's problems, because I know the art of the deal. I am the greatest man the world has ever seen.
I can make Mr. Putin the world's friend. He doesn't want all of Ukraine. And the Rocket Man in North Korea is just a dumb egomaniac. Just look at all those people he has gathered around him who fawn over him, clap every time he says anything, bow to him and stroke his ego constantly.
Even that guy in China likes me because I only put a 10 per cent tariff on him.
Didn't Canada and Mexico just come crawling to Washington on bended knee?
Well, Mr. Monopoly, if you watched the news the last few days, it seems the Arab world is enraged.
Maybe you better cancel your plans for the Super Bowl and hustle over there. Better bring the Muskrat to explain the new Riviera will have guaranteed reservations for every Arab leader.
And you might just have underestimated the Canadians.
We are polite and respectful, but we kicked your butt in 1812 and haven't changed our resolve to stand up to your version of America again. We don't plan to make any of your states (although we love them all) our next province — but I would not be surprised if some of them soon apply.
So, rich Uncle Pennybags, Canada is not for sale. Canada will stand up to you and place tariffs on your products.
Our kids are still playing Monopoly with the original board, eh?