How many ways can we talk about the cold? I mean, what else is there to speak about this week, really?
“Cold enough for ya?”
I’m quite sure that’s how most conversations will start the next few days.
Sure, we could talk about the presidential inauguration, but, depending on your political stripe, that could also be considered bone chilling.
So, we are in a polar vortex, which, according to The Weather Network, is “not a storm, nor is it dangerous on its own. The only hazard associated with the polar vortex is the dangerously cold air that can spill out of the Arctic toward lower latitudes, which can last for long stretches in extreme cases.”
Descriptors like frigid, spine-tingling, frostbitten, biting, piercing and numbing don’t seem to do it justice. I feel like it begs a few curse words, too.
If forecasts are correct, it sounds like we’re in for a week of this.
It's not just Ontario, either. It's all of Canada. It's much of the United States. Europe is chilly, too.
All I need to know is that it makes me face like it's frozen in place, but without the assistance of Botox. Instead of having a runny nose, I have more like icicle nose. My hands burn, my feet are numb and it hurts to breathe when I'm outside.
How I wish I had butt warmers in my car, technically known as car-seat warmers. I don’t remember those being an option a decade ago, but it has my vote for best vehicle invention. Hot buns are a must in winter!
There are all kinds of experts warning of things we should and shouldn’t do, but really you should just go back to your mother’s common-sense reminders:
- Keep your head and feet warm and the rest of you will stay warm. (And keep your coat done up!)
- Drink hot liquids. (chicken soup is good for what ails you.)
- Stay away from alcohol. (It dehydrates you.)
- Make a home-cooked meal, then use the open oven door for some extra warmth.
- Keep the lights on in the house. It makes you feel warmer and maybe happier.
- If you are out and about, don’t forget the emergency kit in the car, including blankets, candles, water, snacks, batteries, phone charger, hand warmers and a shovel.
- Be prepared. These are the times when it could take CAA or a tow truck extra time to respond to a call due to all the likely dead batteries.
- Don’t be in a rush. Give yourself extra time for any travel.
- Also, while it may be wise to warm up the vehicle a bit before heading out, don’t leave it running in the driveway or any public place — unlocked. I expect to hear lots of reports of stolen vehicles.
- I'm going to add my two cents, too. Pile as many dogs and cats as you can in your bed. They are like furry little furnaces. Forego the walk. No dog needs exercise so badly it risks injury and neither do you. That's what puppy pads and Depends are for.
I fervently hope nobody has to brave the elements without shelter. It's not fit for man nor beast.
