Kaila is a 20-something woman who grew up in Holland Landing in a typical, middle class household with two loving parents. She loved to dance, had many friends, with her best friend being her father.
"I had everything I ever needed," she reflected.
Until one day, when she was 16 years old. She was rushing home from school to show her dad the ‘A’ she received on her recent assignment. Little did she know that when she walked in her front door, her life was about to change forever.
Kaila had walked in to find her father deceased, as a result of suicide. The only man she loved, her "hero", the "one man who taught me that the most important lessons, like how to be treated and how to go through life on solid ground," she said, had been ripped from her life, gone forever.
"My heart shattered that day, and that's when everything changed."
Life after the traumatizing incident was hard. Kaila became withdrawn. She quit dance, quit school, lost friends, and left town.
"I started losing myself and became involved in drugs, the wrong crowd," she said. "Running was all I knew how to do."
Desperate to fill the void left by her father’s death, Kaila said she became an addict, seeking attention and love from anyone willing to give it.
“I needed love, and I thought black eyes, broken bones, hospital beds, that was what I thought I had deserved and as long as I took it, they (abusive men) stayed,” she said, explaining her emotions at the time.
At 22, she became pregnant by her abusive partner.
“When you’re in it, you think it’s love,” she reflected on the relationship.
When she was five and a half months pregnant, she was beaten so badly, she almost lost the baby. That was when she decided to go back home and seek help, for the baby’s sake.
But the stint didn’t last long. When her baby girl was just nine months old, Kaila left her with her mother, Kerry and was ‘on the run’ again, back into the world of sex trafficking and drugs.
"I failed and I knew it," she said. "I ran right into the dark underworld of intravenous drug use, prostitution, and of course, more abuse." Kaila experienced over 30 seizures from overdoses, during her years of darkness, and at times wondered how she was still alive.
Kerry knew that her daughter was in trouble, but all she could do was sit, and hope, and pray.
“I didn’t know how to get her back in my grips,” Kerry said. "There's nothing I could do."
On Monday evening, in honour of the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women and the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, Kailia and Kerry were the special guest speakers for the Bradford Women’s + Group's seminar at the BWG Library: Shatter the Silence, End the Violence.
Kaila and her mother Kerry shared their story, of the abuse, violence and fear that marked the years that Kaila was part of the illegal world of sex-trafficking.
"I never thought human trafficking would affect my family, but it did," said Kerry. "I always thought it was something I saw on the news."
Since 2007, Kerry said she had rescued her daughter four times, from horrific, dangerous situations in locations all over Canada . The most recent rescue took place in 2016, when Kaila was taken by car all the way to Newfoundland by two men, who are only now being charged.
“I never thought there’d be a light at the end of this tunnel,” said an emotional Kerry. She warned that abuse is prevalent everywhere and doesn’t discriminate, noting she sees it everywhere all the time.
She urged women who find themselves in any form of abusive relationship to seek help. “You are worth it," Kerry said. "There are so many ways to get help."
Kaila acknowledged that she just wasn't ready for help, until a year ago. She has been clean and off the drugs for a whole year now, and is slowly getting her life back on track. She has been to rehab and counselling, and is now also fighting back against her abusers and bringing them to court.
“I’m now making it, and I am able to speak my past." Kaila said. “I’ve had to rebuild my life.”
She is now engaged, and pregnant with her second daughter, due in February. "I met the man of my dreams who showed me love is forgiving, love is sweet and methodical, it's not hiding or being scared," she said.
Kaila and Kerry warned that this type of activity happens everywhere - in every community, in every province, across Canada. They decided to speak out in hopes of breaking the silence surrounding the issue, and possibly helping someone who may be in trouble themselves.
"Abuse comes in many different colours, sizes and levels, you need to know that not knowing or turning a blind eye is abusing yourself," Kaila explained. "I do hope my story even helps one person. It takes you to say no, it takes you to be brave."
The statistics show that one in two women have experienced at least one incident of sexual or physical violence since the age of 16. And for every 1,000 sexual assaults that happen, only 33 are actually reported to police. In 2019, Simcoe County was listed second in all of Ontario for instances of sex trafficking.
Kerry said that being able to speak about her and her daughter’s experience also helps them with their healing process.
After the two women spoke to the room full of women, a candlelight vigil was held to remember and reflect on those who have fallen victim to sexual violence. And a poem entitled 'Unity' written by group member, Jess Van de Kemp was read.
The night ended on an hopeful and postitive note. All the women present worked together to stuff donated purses with personal care items like shampoo, conditioner, tampons, toothbrushes, toothpaste, lip balm, gum, mitts, and scarves, wrapping up the Nov. 25-29 community drive to 'Fill a Purse for a Sister.'
One guest, Pamela Pereira was happy to donate items and help stuff the bags. She had brought shampoo, conditioner and multiple beauty samples she had collected from Sephora to donate, "because maybe someone needed a little more help than I did," she said.
After the purses were stuffed, the women sat down and wrote personalized notes of inspiration, hope and encouragement, to be placed inside each bag.
The purses will go to women accessing the Women and Children's Shelter of Barrie, David Busby Centre, Elizabeth Fry Society of Simcoe County, Barrie Food Bank, Youth Haven, BradfordWORKS & Agilec.
In addition to the purse stuffing campaign, the group has also stepped up to sponsor a local family for the holidays through Simcoe Muskoka Family Connexions. Guests brought in items to help support the family which consists of a 28-year-old mother, five-year-old boy and 18 month old girl.
The Bradford Women’s + Group is approaching their one year anniversary this January. They will be hosting a celebration event next month, with plenty more workshops lined up for 2020. To learn more about the group, check out their Facebook page here.
