Today, is the day! The day where I can once again appreciate and love my life. I wonder when others rise from their beds do they jump up, using Mel Robbin’s Five Second Rule. This rule is simple and so effective. The premise is to count down from five to zero and then take action. Today I was lying in bed, needing to be up a little earlier than I usually am, looking out at the dark January morning, not wanting to move! It was then I quietly said to myself five, four, three, two, one and got up from my bed.
Today, is the day! The day when I celebrate my accomplishments and prepare to cover new ground and to inspire myself to be the best I can be. Five, four, three, two, one — act!
Today, is the only day I have. It feels very cliché to say it and yet it is the ultimate truth that yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is only a dream. Today is all we have. Today is the day to make the difference, plant a seed, change our minds, open a door, colour our memories and believe that life is all good, no matter what is facing us.
Six years ago, this week, I took my last alcoholic drink. I always have to look back at January 2018 to get the exact date and it was the 29th, I think, then on the 30th I went to a 12-step meeting. As I went to the meeting, it was the strangest feeling because I just knew I would never drink another alcoholic drink again in my life. As well as I knew my own name, my gender identity and that my mother was no longer here on earth in body, I knew I would not drink again.
I attended meetings over the next six weeks including a 'round-up' where I went alone, sat alone and took in the surroundings. I loved it all. Seeing the world through sober eyes and a sober heart. It was like someone had turned on the lights in a very dark room. I felt lighter, complete and whole. The 12-steps were part of my journey and I look at them, even today, as solid practices to wholeness, not just sobriety. Just this week I was listening to a podcast and the speaker spoke about emotional sobriety, I previously referred to this as a 'dry drunk'. A person who has given up alcohol and not been able to emotionally strengthen their living experience. I was that person; I could go a day or two without alcohol, always relapsing, because the pain in my heart was so great and the addiction so strong, I would cave very quickly.
Part of the journey was addressing my mistakes, forgiving myself for those mistakes and being grateful I was lucky none of my mistakes caused death or total destruction. My mistakes were hurtful, dangerous and cut deeply and I have been able to own them and I am able every day to be thankful for owning my life again.
Alcohol is toxic to the body in any quantity. I always chuckle now as people say 'in moderation' to excuse behaviours we know are not good. The interesting part about alcohol, unhealthy food and personal choices, is there are multiple layers to the toxicity and there are a plethora of ways destructive behaviour and ingestion of that which is biologically hard on the body is not good for anyone.
Every year I successfully say no to alcohol, I take new steps to a sober life in all areas. Each day I take steps and look forward to caring for the biology of my person alongside emotional, mental and spiritual parts of my life. I now openly and strongly am an advocate of an alcohol-free life. I want to help others let it go, support and guide people through the jungle, and walk with others along the journey.
I did not get up on Jan. 29th, 2018, and pour the last of the wine down the drain and never look back nor was it the first morning I decided to release alcohol from my life. I remember years and years of attempts and falling short of this goal countless times. It almost broke me multiple times and the memory of my failure brought me to my knees in 2014. A darkness so deep I had all the plans in place to end my life and it was not the only time.
This is the time of year when we all reassess our choices and dry January is on the table. This is the time of year to take stock. If you want to wake up Feb. 1, and know it will be a dry February, March and April and that is what you desire, you can do it. I have done it and so can you.
Let go and decide to change this part of your life and have the lights turned on in that dark room. Partner with your heart, your spirit, your soul, and lift yourself into a whole life. If you feel you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol you can change it. I am with you in spirit and can walk the journey with you!
In Downton Abby Carson speaks to Mr. Mosley about why he coloured his hair. Carson says, “I don’t know why you coloured your hair, Mr. Mosley, it has not had the effect you hoped. Take steps, Mr. Mosley, take steps — you will remain below stairs until you do.” So why do you do something that does not serve you or get the results you want. You will remain below stairs until you change … can you step onto the bottom step and begin the journey up?
Cynthia Breadner is a teacher, author, grief specialist and bereavement counsellor; a soul care worker and offers specialized care in spiritually integrated therapies. She lives and works in the Bradford West Gwillimbury area as a LTC chaplain assisting with end-of-life care for client and family. She is the mother part of the #DanCynAdventures duo and practices fitness, health and wellness. Her book, In Stillness – Short stories from a life well lived is a compilation of her work and available from Nancy’s Nifty Nook and Health Food Store downtown Bradford. She is available remotely by safe and secure video connections, if you have any questions contact her today through [email protected] or breakingstibah.com.
